Eloquently Wasted

At the end of the day I can’t say I emerged simply

I’d love to

Not to think too much

Second guess

It’s like an elixir

At the end of each day I’m drunk, and at the same time sober

Full of words and expectations

Staring into the cold, vast night sky

But I’m not so eloquent as to find the words I want to sing with

I feel a sense of belonging;

Oneness with the world

But at the same time feel it slip away

Grain by grain

Complicated by the mundane tasks

I dance, trip, weave and

Fall blindly through

At the same time able to see myself always falling short

This is how it is

There is never enough

Of me or for me

I’m a hard person to satisfy

And I can’t settle for simplicity or oneness

There has to be more to satisfy my soul

Always searching

Always rambling

I’m not good at names of theories

But I understand

Their cogs and wheels

I see the intricacies

I see the good

I’m not often a first choice

I love too hard

And fall too far

I want to include to many details

And instead end up stuttering, stammering

Wondering where to begin

Then how to end

I am not eloquent

I don’t know if I have what would matter if it were wasted in the first place

I spend too much time wondering

And never enough in contentment at my own achievements

But I am myself